hotel room ftw
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
