Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
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I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize