he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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