They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
