she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
