This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
