You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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