I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We talked him into tasing himself.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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