what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
