Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
