oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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