I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
