I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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