the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
