He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
