so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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