Got a toothbrush?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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