They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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