does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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