what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
a search helicopter?!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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