:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
