Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
