My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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