i permit you to call me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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