you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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