Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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