So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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