I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
