I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
