he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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