Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
