i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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