When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
