He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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