Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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