Grow some girl-balls and come out already
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
