At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
