Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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