oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
