oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
