help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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