A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You need Xanax blowdarts
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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