you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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