Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
