I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
