Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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