and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
