youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You smell like stripper and shame
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
