I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize