You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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