Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
