My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
