Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
