my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
