I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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