im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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