I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no, he came in my armpit
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
