where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
