I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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