I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
