My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
