Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
