she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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