They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
