My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
