i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
