Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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