For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
