no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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