I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My cat gives me a boner
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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