at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
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I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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