that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Two words: nipple clamps
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