Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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