Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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