theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
