super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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