This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
