i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
