my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize