Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
